The art of telling a joke is in the timing. But is there a theory of jokes? Nearly all the easy jokes seem to have the following structure, explained to the Mathematical Society of KCL during a weekend at Cumberland Lodge, Windsor Great Park, (joint work by Nick McKinnon, maths master at Winchester College, and his son).
A joke is described by an isosceles triangle, sitting on its base. The upper vertex represents the starting position of the teller and his audience. The teller takes the audience with him down one side, and on cue, makes it known that he was going down the other side to an incongruous situation. This is well illustrated by a TV interview with Mr. and Mrs Beckham, about two years after the birth of their son, Brooklyn. I thank Matheus for this version (I did not possess a TV set at that time, so missed the big events in life).
Interviewer: I welcome you, Mr. and Mrs. Beckham, who must be very busy with your family life. Mrs. Beckham, how is your little boy?
Victoria: very well, thanks.
Interviewer: is he speaking at all?
Victoria: Oh yes, quite a bit.
Interviewer: So he has quite a good vocab., and is beginning to be able to put words together in sentences?
Victoria: Yes, we really have a lot to say to each other now.
Interviewer turns to David and his wife, with a big smile and condescending congratulatory body language.
Interviewer to Victoria: and now tell me, how is Brooklyn getting on?
A perfect example of the triangle theory of jokes is the following, which I heard from Larry Landau:
First man, a down-and-out: "When I was a boy, I wanted to become a brain surgeon."
Second down-and-out: "What stopped you, then?"
First man: "They would'nt allow children into the operating theatre."
In a recently founded university, we find a professional-looking instructor coaching two fresh-faced students, who look up to him in admiration. The university has specialised in one main subject, for we can see the large notice proclaiming "UNIVERSITY for TERRORISM". A smaller notice shows that we are in the department of suicide bombing. The heavily armed instructor says:
Now I want you to pay special attention to this part of my lecture, as I am only going to show it to you once.
Just before the fall of the Berlin Wall, it became possible for people in Eastern Europe to make trips to the West. One such plane from Warsaw, headed for Paris, made a detour over Berlin, so that the passengers could take a look at the Wall. Berlin could be seen on the right side, and all the passengers eagerly rushed over to get a peep. In the turmoil, the aeroplane became unstable, and crashed into a field, killing everyone on board. In the subsequent enquiry, engineers had to find out the reason for the accident. They came to the only possible conclusion: the instability was caused by too many poles in the right-hand plane.
When I was a student, girls from good families, on reaching 18, `came out' at balls attended by young upper class men and many others from Society, including especially people related to royalty. One such ball took place in the early sixties, during which the behaviour of young people was undergoing rapid change. One young lady, perhaps bored by the dreary formality, took her clothes off behind a curtain at the side of the ballroom, and `streaked' across the floor, to the cheers of the young men. This upset one of the older ladies, who complained that anyone could get the attention of the young men by such primitive methods. Seeing that her remarks had no effect on her listeners, she too went behind the curtain, removed her clothes, and streaked across the room. A newcomer to the ball was astounded at this sight; "did you not see that?" he asked a nonchalant young man, "did you see that woman run across the room?". "Yes," replied the man, "what of it?" "But didn't you see what she was WEARING?" asked the newcomer. "Not particularly", came the reply, "except I did notice that it needed ironing".
Alistair Cooke was a fan of golf, but he was never a golf bore. In a memorable LETTER FROM AMERICA, he described the antics of Gloria, a society lady. She played golf quite well, and had entered for a tournament at a famous club, which up till then had excluded women from membership. She was allowed to play, and the press turned up to report. Gloria arrived in slacks and wore a dazzling costume. She posed frequently for photo's, and smiled and giggled under all the attention. She became national news. The question was, would she make the cut after the first week? The first day was a golfing disaster, but she thrived on her high score and the disturbance she caused to the other players. On Tuesday, she could not knock the tiny ball in any of the holes, and she flounced out in front of the world press. The next day the NEW YORK TIMES had the headline "SIC TRANSIT GLORIA TUESDAY".
When Yehudi Menuhin died and went to Heaven, he asked St. Peter if he could join the Heavenly orchestra. He could, replied St. Peter, but he could not take the front row in the violins. That was taken by Joachim, Paganini and Heifitz. On the first meeting of the orchestra, Yehudi was shown the spare seat on the back row, next to his old friend David Oistrach, who had died recently. They were so far back that Yehudi could hardly see the conductor. This impressive figure started conducting, swaying with the baton raised and his eyes shut. Menuhin recognised the style: "Isn't that von Karajan?!" he exclaimed. "No", whispered Oistrach, "it's God. He just THINKS he is von Karajan".
During the war, Charles de Gaulle and his wife were invited to dinner
by Churchill and his wife, Clementine. By the time dinner was over,
they had got to know each other quite well, and Clementine turned the conversation
to deeper questions. She asked
"Mrs. de Gaulle, what do you really want to get out of life?"
to which Mrs. de Gaulle replied
" A penis". After a polite but embarressed silence, the General explained
"My dear, it is pronounced 'appiness".
Two gold fish were in a tank, and one says to the other
"Do you know how to drive this thing?".
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© by Ray Streater, 29 Dec. 2003.